i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this just has baby written all over it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
