oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
