He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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