Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
