He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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