we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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