There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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