She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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