It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
