jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
