I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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