well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
