I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
