Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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