At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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