I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
