I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
