the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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