Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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