i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
