this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
