We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
