Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So much rum. So many feels.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
