ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
