By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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