Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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