I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
