were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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