Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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