woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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