you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
