So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
