im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
