Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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