sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
