I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize