I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
