It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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