I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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