I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
