Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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