I want to stick my p in your. b.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
