There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
