That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
