I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
