I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
