i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
