He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize