You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
