I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
