Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
