i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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