last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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