I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
