my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
