I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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