I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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