Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
