She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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