I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
