If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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