He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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