If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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