Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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