Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
