I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
