So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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