So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
