i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You are a genius and a whore.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
