Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
