Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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