I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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